James has left a new comment on your post "Pilgrimage to Mecca via the Mersey- completed vers...":
Whilst the contrast of different cultures is a legitimate literary device, there is a danger of this turning into a travelogue about Turkey!
There's also too much emphasis on the bladder!
Some nice phrases in this but try to avoid being too didactic. Readers like to be informed but not necessarily lectured!
It's your story, however metaphysical in style. Achieving the closest intimacy with your reader is always desirable but it doesn't include asking your reader questions!
That's bad form. Makes it appear you are running out of things to say. And if you are going to be a good writer that should never be the case. Very good descriptive prose though.
George.
Hi George. I'm afraid that I have to disagree with some of your points. I'm not a writer, at least not of fiction, so I'm not in a position to talk about literary devises. However, as a reader, I have to say that all of the things which you point out as flaws in the story are actually the things that I find most interesting. I don't think that there is too much information about Turkey, in fact the thing that I really like about the story is how, from the seemingly banal and familiar setting of a northern English shopping centre, it manages to evoke a a place where I at least have never been. Also, I like the fact that the story asks questions. When I was reading it these didn't necessarily feel directed towards me, but more as if the writer was asking them to herself out loud.
ReplyDeleteAs for emphasis on the bladder - if the character is anything like me she'll always be needing the loo, so this is a pretty big part of life, which shouldn't be overlooked!
Hi Doreen
ReplyDeletehere's one of the features of blogging - it's all in public so anyone can give you feedback on your writing! You can choose what kind of comments you publish on your own blog, or you can open it up and let your readers respond to each other and talk about your work - like you are doing here.
It is hard sometimes to get feedback from people who you don't know because there hasn't been time to develop the trust and consideration like you do in a creative writing group or in our workshop. But getting new perspectives on your work can also make you grow as a writer and develop a thick skin!
What do you think? Do you agree with James's points or are you happy with your work the way it is?
xx I will see you at the end of the month with my new addition, until then - keep blogging!
Hi Elaine
ReplyDeleteHope all`s ok with you.
just a quick question - When Robbe`s and my story are launched on Monday - what happens?
If the actual website isn`t up and running till Thursday, will there be any difference?
I don`t really know what to expect - if anything and you know what I`m like with computers anyway. Any clarification appreciated.
Look forward to seeing you on Thursday x
Hi Jenn
ReplyDeleteBelated congratulations on your new addition!
About the comment on my story by George ( who by the way is my uncle!) ----- Of course I disagree with him, but every
one`s entitled to their opinion!
I think I`ve only got myself to blame for his comment about it becoming `A travelogue`
I didn`t really make it clear to him that the story was about the contrasting and conflicting memories that Birkenhead evoked about my time in Turkey and my relationship with my mother. He was under the impression the story was just about my mother`s memory.
That`s not to say that I think I`ve written a fantastic story. I know that I haven`t! Self criticism is the harshest anyway, I think.
CUDD WUDDA SHUDDA are the words that come to mind when I read through it.
I do feel a sense of satisfaction, tho I say so myself, because at the very least , I`ve made a start (and that`s all it is!)on a journey that I intended to narrate for such a long time now, and I thank the `Out on a Limb Project`for that.
Look forward to seeing you on Thursday
xx
PS
ReplyDeleteAbout developing a thick skin -
I could give any rhinoceros a run for its money!
The really great thing about blogging is that you can gauge the public response unadulterated by waffle and crap.
ReplyDeleteI read the same item that George (who somehow comes through with the accreditation of "James", ME. and drew completely different conclusions.
I don't think that you drell too much on the travellog or the bladder. nay, I felt that your story came through very well. If a little different from how I remember the facts. As a story, it stood very well on it's own merits.
DO NOT, under any circumstances, "Develope a thick skin" it will only get in the way of truth and sincerity.
You know the story you need to tell. Tell it, in the only way it should be told, truthfully.